Disappointment

why? why did you do that? i chose to believe in you but the evidence is there already yet you are still denying. i really dont know, i dont understand, the things that you said no longer make sense. just when you bring your hopes up high, thinking that this is it, this time it will be different, but then people tend to disappoint? trying very hard not to make a generalisation but how many times have i felt being lied to/ taken for granted of? how can people turn your kindness and goodness to nothing? how can people still be so good with you when they are actually doing sth bad behind you? though sometimes it doesnt harm/affect you, but that act.. it's counted as betrayal. i find it super duper hard to treat people the way i used to treat them (which is good treatment) after i realised their "bad" side or after they have disappointed me.... after they proved that everything that i hoped was great and real was wrong... i cannot face them or talk to them the same way anymore. i can forgive but i cannot and never will forget that kind of shock and realisation they gave me, the scar they left on me. ok it sounded very serious but even the slightest thing like: saying a version of story to me and then another version to another person behind my back (though not bad things about me), i will still feel like cheated? very very slight things i will get affected, of course after much thought like thinking what's the purpose behind their actions/words. that's why over the years, i longer have the fire and passion i had like when i was in secondary school towards friends.. because time and time again, they proved me wrong... yes no doubt i still cherish them but there is always a shield around me, never to trust or put my 100% in them and also not to let people treat me as their bestest friend as well. because no expectation, no disappointment. this is a shitty thing but that's life. sigh, dont know when can i ever treat the person normally again.... not like super good like i used to but at least normal way. now i cant even start a conversation or even look at the person because i cant forget the things that the person did..... what the hell...... why don't people treat others with sincerity and realness? why does it always comes with hurt along the way? this is bullshit.